whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The air was thick with penises
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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