I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
