Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
