My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
