Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
