I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
