conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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