Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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