My first STD was from a foam party
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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