I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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