I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize