I got chris browned last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
