I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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