Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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