1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
