im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
