Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
