There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
