She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
