just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize