you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
