I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
