i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
