saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize