When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
