..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
