3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
