I just pynch a tree in the face
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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