On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
