God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just pee around me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dick very happy bro
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
