I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
