dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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