The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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