Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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