Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
