I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
