NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Of course I have a pirate flag
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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