i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
