Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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