This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
