i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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