Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
