the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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