WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
