ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
