Need sex. Gaining weight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
