just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
