come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
