we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
