The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
