So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
