Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
