Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
