we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
