ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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