you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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