I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
