remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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