operation harelip BJ is a go
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You took a bar mat shot.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
