I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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