I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
