took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
