I want you more than these girls want KFC
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
