This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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