and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Everclear isn't food dammit
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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