My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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