i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
