Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
